Trying this again...

Well after over a year of not posting and just following others blogs, I've decided to try this yet again. While in the midst of wedding planning blogging fell to the bottom of my priority list. Although I truly enjoy reading others blogs about their lives, children, home makeovers, etc., I have found myself having a hard time coming up with things to write about...

These last two years have been a total whirlwind. After moving to Texas to be with Patrick in September of 2008, he proposed and we (I) began planning our dream wedding. After being laid off from my job in April of 2009 I found myself without health insurance and struggling to pay for my benefits through COBRA. We looked into several different options and held out hoping that my new job would be offering benefits sooner rather than later. So month after month I wrote the check to pay for medical benefits and found myself torn as to what to do. How could I go on this way for another year and a half?

After a lot of thought and discussions, Patrick & I decided that it would be to our advantage to go to the courthouse and get "married" a year earlier than planned. We flew our Mom's down to Texas so that they could be part of that special day. We had a beautiful ceremony, just the four of us and a judge, at the courthouse and signed the papers to become husband and wife on August 28, 2009.

We decided that we still wanted to go through with our dream wedding on August 28, 2010. We both felt like it would lose the specialness of the event if people knew that we were already technically married. So we decided to keep this technicality to ourselves. We did not present ourselves as husband and wife, did not wear our wedding bands and I didn't change my name. We decided it would be best to share it with both of our families & close friends face to face at our rehearsal dinner as this would be the first time we were in Michigan together. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned and a few people found out the week before our big day and were hurt/angry/upset/etc. We never imagined that it would go down that way or that people would feel betrayed/lied to/etc.

I've kept to myself about all of the drama that took place the week before our wedding and I will keep all of the details to myself in order to eliminate even more drama. That being said, I still cannot believe grown people act/behave the way they did that week. I never imagined it going this way and had I seen it coming, we would never have done it the way we did.

The people who mean the world to us where there to celebrate with us and we could not have asked for more. My Dad was there to walk me down the aisle, My Mom, Sister & I had an amazing dance together. My bridesmaids were wonderful and were there to help me with everything, including cleaning the stains off my dress. My nieces and nephews were the best flower girls & ring bearer ever! All of that being said, our big day was more than I ever imagined! We are still married, yes legally a year longer than planned, but married just the same. Patrick & I are VERY happy and TOTALLY in love and at the end of the day, that is ALL the matters! Right?

If that is the case, why do I have a hard time letting go of the hurtful things that were said to me that week? It tears me apart that there is now a line drawn in the sand between us and them. I kept my mouth shut and didn't get involved and was the bigger person. I know it was the right thing to do at the time and still thing it was a the "adult" thing to do as well. If these people were just friends of ours and not family, I would have written them off. With them being family, how do you do that? Family is supposed to love you unconditionally.

Where do we go from here?